218 of 365 "twothreesixfive project submission"
Reposted from http://twothreesixfive.wordpress.com/ Comments over there are much appreciated if you are so inclined.
My dream as a little girl was to be an artist or a dancer, a writer or a musician. I never thought I was good enough at any of these things so I abandoned and buried my creative dreams, leaving them for dead. The theme of feeling “not good enough” has been a sad underpinning of my life.
In RL I have a “big” job and by that I mean a job with a lot of responsibility and pressure. I work with scientists helping to implement large-scale government contracts and grants. My job is to keep the annoying and difficult regulations from impacting the creative science other people are doing. I spend way too much time in spreadsheets, enforce the rules and listen to people complain all day. Many, many days it sucks.
When things are difficult at work I close my eyes and remind myself that there is art in my soul. I let my mind drift and listen to the music that makes me feel…well anything. You see, in my day-to-day being too creative or reacting emotionally to things is considered a sign of professional weakness. So, I cultivate the veneer of tough, unfeeling compliance officer and die a little inside each day.
When I logged on to SL three years ago I felt something. At the time I was not sure what it was but I knew I needed more. In retrospect, what I felt was my creativity breaking out of the tiny lead box I had shoved it in ages ago. I have lost a lot of time, but I have learned that while I am never going to be a great artist I cannot allow my creative impulses to die due to the fear of failure.
Because of Second Life, when words and images bubble up out of the depths of my heart most of the time I am able to catch them before they disappear. The fact that other people occasionally enjoy my work turns the cobwebs on my creative soul into spun gold.
Chestnut Rau is a University Administrator and wannabe artist. She lives in New York, which means she has a ridiculous accent and does everything way too fast. She has the most understanding husband in the world, who happens to have a lovely British accent and does most things just fast enough. Chestnut has two children who bring her both joy and pain daily.
Chestnut started her personal blog http://slofdreams.blogspot.com/ in November 2007 and has been the Events Writer for New World Notes since February 2009. She lives in the Five Islands estate with her friends and has shared Second Life with her partner Zha Ewry for more than two years. All in all, she is blessed and she knows it.