The one in which Ches admits to having been bitten by a rabid skunk

Ok. So. It is 3:30am and I am wide awake. This time I have an excuse.

About a half hour ago the strong smell of skunk woke me up. You see, I live in the woods and sometimes the critters fuss at each other and when one of them happens to be a skunk? It can get ugly. My stupid springer spaniel was flipping out and barking and doing that ridiculous rounding me up thing where she circles me and tries to make me follow her, which would be funny and adorable if she was not so insistent and it wasn't three fn AM and if the smell of skunk wasn't burning a hole in my head.

All of this is an introduction to the true story that will occupy me for the next few minutes until such time that I can get back to sleep. Hopefully.

It was a hot hot September night and my family was in the living room, which is to say that the boys were fast asleep and my daughter and I were watching, according to Sophie's memory but not mine, a true crime story on television. The back door was open to capture whatever breeze there was on a NY Indian Summer night. Our dog came trotting in from the garden and put her big head on my lap and when she did I noticed the very same odor that is currently occupying real estate in my nose.

I cursed loudly. Not loudly enough to wake the male members of the household which would take some effort. I got up to search the pantry for tomato juice and mumbled about how little I wanted to bathe the stupid hairy dog who was half Chow and had a thick undercoat that I feared would hold the smell of skunk for ages. I flipped on the light, turned to see the dog following me into the kitchen followed by......the skunk. In my dining room. A skunk. My mind went blank, my mouth opened, I screamed bloody murder and did the only reasonable thing - ran like a maniac in the other direction. I figured the skunk would turn tail and run out the doorway he was standing just inside.

BUT NO. The skunk started to chase me through my dining room, past the front door and into the living room where the male members of my household were still sleeping. Eventually my husband jumped up off the couch and threw the cotton blanket to the floor. You see, he had been in the hot tub and was naked as the day he was born which at the time did not seem out of the ordinary but has since become an integral part of the story. I was screaming like someone was trying to kill me because I was sure that damn skunk was going to spray inside my house. My husband was naked and chased the dog who was being NO HELP AT ALL with skunk removal. The skunk followed the dog and my husband out the door, but first that little bastard took a bite out of the little toe on my right foot.

Let me recap for you: Skunk in my house. Chases me. Husband naked flailing about. Skunk bites my foot. Husband chases dog, skunk outside.

Now the skunk decided he wanted a piece of my husband. But, he is THE MAN and was unafraid. When the skunk lunged at him my naked flailing husband kicked the rabid animal halfway across the yard, right into the chicken coop where it proceeded to feast on our hens until a man with a gun could be summoned to kill the foamy mouthed stink.

The skunk never did spray in the house. It did not surprise anyone when the brain of that skunk tested positive for rabies. It took weeks for that stupid dog to stop smelling like a skunk and I had a series of painful rabies shots over then next few months.

And that my friends is a true story. To this day my son is mad he never woke up, especially to see the man with the gun shoot the skunk. Every time he hears this story at a party or at the soccer fields he fusses at me for not waking him up.

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The image above is of the two dogs mentioned in my story. Sadie, the Chow/Shepard mix, died a year ago and Chloe the Springer is asleep at my feet and as luck would have it, does not smell like skunk.