309 of 365 To Do

Today is going to kick my ass. I have a ton to do and I am feeling extremely lazy. I really can't explain the to do list I wrote on my hand, but since I am sick to death of my avatar face and have completely hit the "I don't care" wall on my 365, this is it for today. Yay for blurry phone pictures!

Two important "to dos" I could not fit on my hand:

Carrie Lexington and I are organizing a Spoken Word event for bloggers on 9/23 at 6pm at the Blue Angel on Kolor. The idea is bloggers will read favorite posts from their blogs. I have committed to read and I am terrified. What posts should I read? Will you come? If you want to read yourself please let us know!

I am going to be on Cybergrrl Oh's RezzedTV show, at 11am SLT on Thursday, September 9th. I am going to talk about Chestnut's Choices and whatever pops into my head. What do you want to know? Let me know and I will answer your questions on the show. Unless they are too personal and in that case let's just take it to Skype, mkay?

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I seem to have lost my writing muse.

I am a little heartbroken that I lack the ability to write anything worthwhile these days. I have a ton of things I want to say but every time I sit down the words that hit the screen are all kinds of suckage.

I think I am hesitant to hit publish because Adric said my writing is like a middle school girl's diary and Prok said I am sullen. Its not these two individuals who are keeping me from writing, just to be clear. Its the voice in my head that just knows they are right. The things I want to express right now *are* coming from sadness and disappointment but I just can't seem to get beyond my internal critic and the anticipation of what my external critics will write. More suckage.

You know the feeling you get when a friendship is basically over? Its a cross between relief and regret, freedom and sadness. That is what I need to express and I want to do it in a way that is beautiful and respectful. Yeah, this one deserves a real poem. I hope I have the chops. Somehow I doubt it.

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Zha comes home tonight after three weeks in England. I had intended to rip apart our house and rebuild it while she was gone as a surprise. That didn't happen. I have not done any serious building since the day I rebuilt our entire island in 5 hours. I want to build but its a little like writing. My creative closet is empty.

9 comments:

Mr. Crap Mariner said...

As much as I try, I never seem to be able to find that 101st word.

-ls/cm

Chestnut Rau said...

Heh. Sorry to totally rip off your post title for today. You inspired me!

Penguink Graves said...

Just letting you know, I have been enjoying your blog. Like you say in your About section "This blog is a personal journal where I write about whatever happens to be on my mind. This is not a news blog and I am not a reporter."
That's what makes it enjoyable.

Chestnut Rau said...

Why thank you so much Penguink! I think you just made my day. :)

Suemoon said...

I enjoy reading your blog too. You sound real.I often have the same feelings as you do and it's nice to hear "girl" talk about feelings (sorry, guys, I guess that's sexist).

Quaintly Tuqiri said...

Ches, I'm currently taking a writing course and my instructor said that all of us has an Inner Critic; she said she knows authors who have won publishing awards (like the Booker Prize) who still feel insecure about their work and worry that what they're writing is rubbish.

Don't let your inner critic silence you; as for the external critics, well, each person has a different writing style so don't let them get to you. I think the words will come when the time is right, when your heart is ready to release them.

About the Spoken Word event, that'll be 9am my time on Friday morning (24th) so I won't be able to make it. But I'm sure you'll do great Ches! Have loads of fun :)

Hamlet Au said...

I'm so honored to have NWN on your hand!

Delinda Dyrssen said...

I love reading your blog Chestnut. Write again when you feel it. You should feel no pressure about this. Peace.

Chestnut Rau said...

LOL....Hamlet! Chestnut's Choices is one of those "to dos" that is always there. Every day....find events, look for events....events...events....