I have been writing a lot lately, not that you would know it from this blog. I have been writing poems. I don't know anything about cadence or rhyme. I don't know how to take a nugget of an idea and pressure my words to perfectly fit into a prescribed form. I don't really even want to follow the rules of poetry but I do want to take the feelings that have been threatening to overwhelm me at a moment's notice and tame them or possibly beat them back into the dark hole from whence they came. Glass isn't doing it and blogging isn't doing it but there is a glimmer of a poem on the tip of my tongue. I keep trying to grab it and true to form it runs away, laughing at me over its shoulder leaving me empty and frustrated and so fucking tired I could scream.
The poem is about friendship and love. It is about the slow fade into emptiness and it is about not knowing how to stop being angry. It is about never feeling worthy of being loved and the acid etched pain of self loathing and the loop running that will.not.stop. The words are not carefully chosen, they are the freezing water running down the side of a mountain, finding their way through the cracks until they land in a dirty puddle. The poem is fast and angry and childlike and sullen. It flails and screams and builds to a full on tantrum and it ends in a sobbing heap. Unfulfilled.
1 comment:
not that i am a huge expert on poetry, but i can relate to how you are feeling a lot...don't follow a prescribed form. just start at the beginning, free form, read it out loud to yourself, go with what sounds and feels the best, and you might be surprised with where it leads you in the end.
i know that sounds evasive, but that's kind of my own process for poetry. everyone's process is different.
i think poetry is not about cadence or form, it's about making people FEEL, and feelings rarely follow rules. I'm confident that you know how to do that with your words.
p.s: we really should get together to talk more about writing, and anything really ;)
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