I am not going to lie. I have been having a rough time on several fronts. Without going into too much personal detail I will just say that I am feeling edgy, oversensitive and more than a little unlovable. Now, I am no Skylar Smythe or Gracie Kendal so that is all you are going to get out of me with respect to my personal struggles. Still, I have been thinking a lot and I want to throw a few things down to get them to stop eating me alive.
First, I firmly believe we create many of our own problems. I see myself creating the very situations that upset me. Why do we do this? I wish I knew but it seems clear that if by engaging in negative thinking we create problems, it would be simple enough to change our thought patterns and then things would be better. It sounds totally stupid and probably it is but I wonder what would happen if I replaced "I want...(fill in the blank) with "I have...(the same thing with a positive spin.) I should give it a try and let you know how it goes.
Just because a lot of people think something or someone is fabulous doesn't mean they are fabulous. For years and years I used to think I had it all wrong when my opinions were so out of step with the mainstream. Now, I kind of like being the weird one in the bunch.
I had my first negative experience because of my tattoo the other day. One of my daughter's friend's parents asked her why I would "deface" my body that way. I would be happy to discuss my reasons but leave my kid out of it, tyvm. I was really fired up about it but I suppose I got the tattoo in part to demonstrate I am not like the other soccer moms so mission accomplished. They can all talk about it at Starbucks over lattes if it makes them feel good.
I have discovered my well of support has a bottom. It was a bit shocking actually. I usually am only too happy to put my own needs/desires on the back burner in order to make sure people I love are happy. Lately I am feeling a whole lot of "fuck that" and "if you love me its about damn time you stopped saying it and show me." I am like the personification of Missouri the Show Me State. (For short intervals when I am not building a sim for you or writing for you or tying your shoes or organizing your closet or kissing your ass, that is of course). Hey laugh if you like, its progress.
Do you ever wish you could see yourself through other people's eyes? I really wish I could. I think it might help.
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"Sometimes people let the same problem make them miserable for years when they could just say, 'So what.'
'My mother didn't love me.' So what.
'My husband won't ball me.' So what.
'I'm a success but I'm still alone.' So what.
I don't know how I made it through all the years before I learned how to do that trick. It took a long time for me to learn it, but once you do, you never forget."
— Andy Warhol
'My mother didn't love me.' So what.
'My husband won't ball me.' So what.
'I'm a success but I'm still alone.' So what.
I don't know how I made it through all the years before I learned how to do that trick. It took a long time for me to learn it, but once you do, you never forget."
— Andy Warhol
5 comments:
"But the question I pose now will offer you a plan B,
And maybe some peace and quiet for your friends and family:
How hard is it to decide to be in a good mood,
And then just be in a good mood?
That's all I have to say 'cause it's a straight up fact,
You control your emotions, it's as simple as that."
Whenever your blog dips into the personal, I often find myself nodding along in understanding. I appreciate you putting it out there.
As for the tattoo, as a homeschool mom in a very conservative community, I have dealt with discrimination and outright hostility for years over my visible tattoos. I finally decided that my tattoos served to weed out the closedminded rude people who I didn't want to waste time with anyway.
Just wanted to say thanks for posting, and for sharing.
If you were what everyone else was or what everyone else wanted you to be .. there would be no "Chestnut." Do you know what I love about you? I love that you have fierce ideas and opinions that you have clearly thought through ... I think sometimes you speak for many of the silent who read the other strong opinions and disagree but are afraid to say anything. I think when someone challenges your opinion you feel that they challenge you and some people do have problems separating the person from the idea but just remember that just because someone disagrees with you - does not make YOU wrong. Even if everyone else disagrees with you it does not make YOU wrong. I think you are one of the wonderful people here in SL that I admire and respect. I love the way you look at things, the ideas you express, your viewpoints, even your willingness to be vulnerable and consider that you might not have all the answers. Because it means you care, it means you are teachable.
You don't have to be perfect, none of us ever can be .. we are all simply works in progress!
Believe me, you do NOT want to see yourself through other people's eyes. Besides, what someone else sees in only part of who you are, so it would be like watching a movie with big chunks of each frame not there. And you would never get the story right. As with you - others will only ever know a part of you, not the complete picture, so any judgement would be only based on a small part and therefore not accurate. Be confident in who you are, and bugger the rest :)
"be yourself. Everyone else is taken"
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