All in all today was a strange day.
I was contacted by someone I know only in the vaguest of social media ways, which is to say not at all. You know how it is -- someone travels similar circles so you become "friends" but if you were to drop a stone in still water and you were the stone, this person would be 5 or 6 or 10 rings away from you. You add each other on twitter and maybe you respond to each other once in a while or maybe you don't but you know their name and they know yours and that is about the extent of it Perhaps you have an impression of them and if you are, say...me....they think they know you because you happen to blog and that gives people the impression they know you. I mean me.
Are you still there?
Anyway this person messaged me and wanted me to help him understand a conflict between other people, one of whom is a very good friend of mine. Ummm, I politely declined to comment because he wanted to know if what he was being told was "the truth." I suggested he talk to the people involved as I could not possibly know "the truth." He understood and that was that.
Except it wasn't because it is something like 8 hours later and I am still thinking about "truth" and what that really means when it comes to human beings who engage in relationships online.
It is so easy to misrepresent things on the internet and we all have examples of events where things were not as they seemed. Over time I have gotten a little jaded I suppose and now when someone tells me a story about their life I nod, smile and take it at face value. Maybe what they say is real and maybe it isn't but honestly I will probably never be able to confirm the facts. Funny enough, the more time I spend online the more comfortable I am with not knowing "the truth."
17 comments:
There are several problems with communication in a text environment whiich are deep issues to overcome if we really want to make this a medium.
One is that, in real life, "words" are only 1/8th of our entire communication - 7/8ths of it is non-verbal; voice tones, body language, semantic referents... It's bad enough in RL but we have experience in sorting through the compund signals to parse meaning.
Sadly, that is not true in online communication, which is why gestures, sound clips, dress and poses are used to try to convey the overtones missing from physical communication.
PS: such a beautiful metaphor of the stone :)
The Truth indeed - that thing that is so easily and often sacrificed, in the name of any current twitterised cause. The Truth, which is so often associated with guilt, that which we must speak of in hushed tones in secret messages. The Truth, which all claim to uphold but sell off at the first opportunity.
Truth lies sleeping at the bottom of that murky, rippling pond.
Perhaps this person who contacted you made the mistake of bringing old fashioned values online with them.
Naive? Perhaps.
Perhaps this person simply forgot a lesson they learned long ago.
Perhaps this person knows the accuracy in Miso Susanowa's words.
Perhaps this person has some of the answers they were seeking, and perhaps now knows that truth is subjective.
Perhaps now they will be more guarded in future.
Oh hai anonymous! Long time no see. Thanks for stopping by to talk about "truth" on my blog. Your words are lovely.
Thank you *so* much for elegantly illustrating one complication of trust in online relationships. How can we trust someone who won't even tell us their name?
I am not suggesting "wallet" names are necessary for building or sustaining trust. Far from it. I am satisfied with whatever identity you choose. But unless you are wearing a V for Vendetta mask you are not "Anonymous" are you? No, you are a person who does not want to let me or the readership of this blog know who you are online. Fine, but I have to tell you it made me laugh.
And, that my dear anonymous is my truth for the morning.
Welcome home!
I should clarify: welcome home to the knowledge that all truth is a big lie. All you have to do is watch politics for a day. And that trash is happening in the "real world".
The on-line social world is exponentially worse.
So: welcome home to the realization of the truth that all truth is a big lie.
Wait, that's an oxymoron, isn't it?
Ari! I am always so happy to see you pop up all over the place.
No its not an oxymoron. It is the truth. Or something.
I'm glad I gave you a chuckle! And no, I am not some rabid nutter running around with a mask, censoring blocks of government with a DDOS. Alas, anonymous is the option your blog gives if I choose not to use another ID. I suppose I could have made an 'alt' ID, but to me, that would have been cheating.
Have a great day, old friend ;)
Why would anyone think Bob Dylan was true? He was a great artist though. ALL artists are prostitutes after all..
The quote is something Dylan said.
All artists are prostitutes? Really? More so than people who work for corporations? I fail to understand your point. Or, perhaps I understand and think its bullshit. Hard to tell, innit?
Ah, Anonymousmythe... one she's done lying to herself, she might stop lying to others.
/me salutes
-ls/cm
You can type your name at the bottom of your comment. That is the easy way to own your words if you don't want to use the options provided by blogger.
Sigh ... I never leave commnents without signing my name to them. Ever.
Prime example of random silly though.. and the presumptions that follow. I own my opinons. Always.
Use your heads first. It's a novel practice before commenting.
Skylar
enjoyed reading your blog again Chestnut - it has been way too long since i have been around
there is no truth, there is only experience and interpretation based on our own frameworks and jaded versions of what is/was real, and tied closely to complex relationships
it is wise not to comment on 'what is true' because it is only true for you based on your own knowledge - the more disturbing matter in your example is the influence of spreading rumor and casting doubt on people by asking OTHERS what would be "the truth" - by doing so, your own truth is altered... it is not only unfair, it is unfortunate
stay well! :)
Hey there! Its been too long. I hope you are well.
My husband always tells me the only real truth is mathematics. Of course he knows I am terrible at math so what do I know about truth? Nothing.
Thanks for your comment! I agree 100% with what you said
I had a similar conversation recently, and said, "There are bunches of sides to any story, and the truth lies somewhere in the middle."
I think the truth is, we each know our own version, and that's all we can know, because we all come to every situation with our own perceptions and viewpoints.
Which is both part of the beauty, and also the frustration, of dealing with people.
It's never boring.
A long time ago, someone pointed out to me that there are three stories about anything that happens: Mine, Yours, and What Actually Happened.
It can be very easy, online, to get all wrapped up in one's own perspective and forget that there is that 'what actually happened' perspective.
If, as in the situation the blogger describes, something's happened between two people you know and there's a difference of opinion between them- I'd probably quote an old Kate Bush song: 'he said it was her fault, she said it wasn't at all, but the truth lies somewhere in the middle'.
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