Let me say this very clearly - there was no need to comment two years later and the implausible explanation offered made no sense. What you did was hurtful and unnecessary. Congratulations.
Kate Nash's song Dickhead seems appropriate
I fail to understand
Today it was brought to my attention someone I was never friends with and have not had any interaction with for close to half a year took time out of her busy day to necro comment on a shitty post written about me two years ago by a blogger who I sure as hell won't link to here.
Kazuhiro Aridian Talk About Creating Mesh, Sunday 4/15 at noon SLT, LEA17
Kazuhiro Aridian is an artist in SL, known for creating amazing non human avatars and builds for events like Burn2. Kaz is currently building on the Art Screamer curated LEA17. From the ArtScreamer blog
On Sunday April 15, 12 PM Kazuhiro Aridian will give a LIVE stream demonstration of mesh construction, unwrapping, texturing and 2D digital painting. You might remember Kaz's talk at Burn, a discussion of construction techniques of that amazing stage. However this time, it's all about mesh, and with live voice and demonstration!
Kaz's latest mesh creation, Plains of Scyn'lai, is currently being built on LEA17, and is the first part of a bioscene series to be completed on Kaz's home sim. Plains of Scyn'lai will be exhibited on LEA17 until May 1.
The live demonstration however, is a one-time affair on April 15 at 12pm - you don't want to miss this LIVE interactive demonstration, from a respected artist known for originality, artistic talent and 3D chops. A sketched face will go from the page to 3D right before your eyes.
SLurl to Plains of Scyn'lai on Art Screamer, LEA17
Things Change
Yesterday Whiskey wrote a post called Narcissus which inspired me to think. This is not unusual as Whiskey is brilliant and I am a thinky kind of person but normally I have a lot to say. This time I was without words while the ideas swirled around in my head trying to gain form.
Whiskey uses the mythology of Echo and Narcissus and asks us to think about how we relate to our own avatar identities. She asks if there is a danger in loving the images we create of ourselves in the form of our avatars. Alternatively, she wonders if we benefit from the identity we create and our relationship with that virtual reflection of ourselves.
I started to think about how my avatar has changed over time, how I have changed as a result of being Chestnut Rau for all these years. When I was first "born" I considered myself an "immersionist" and surrounded myself primarily with other people who felt the same way. Back then it seemed there was a hierarchy and if you were truly "one with your avatar" how could you not be an "immersionist?" We kinda looked down our noses at those who talked about their "humans" because -- lets be honest here -- they just didn't get the power and the glory of Second Life like we did. (Do you hear the snark in my voice? I hope so.)
I remember long conversations with Zha about friends of ours who considered themselves digital people or individuals who don't exist at all outside the virtual world. These friends, most of whom "no longer exist" believed their avatars were entirely separate beings from the humans who sat at the keyboard. At the time I couldn't put my finger on what it was about the concept of "digital people" that made me uncomfortable. I cared for these people but something about the insistence that the avatar was fundamentally a different individual was something I never could quite understand.
Fast forward a few years and I guess I am an augmentationist after all.
I started talking about my offline life here on this blog. I felt more open about mentioning my family and details about my activity outside Second Life. I have not linked my wallet name to Chestnut but I think most anyone with a bit of Internet savvy would not find it hard to track down details. I am not worried and expect one day it will probably happen. I am not offering up my resume just yet but I have come to realize I am fundamentally the same person no matter where I am or how I look.
Chestnut is part of me. She is the artist, the writer. She is more introverted than I am which is really odd but that is the truth. Perhaps in my avatar form I have found the freedom to be more *me* than the world allows me to be otherwise.
Is there a danger in loving a more perfect, crafted version of myself too much? Maybe. My hope is in using my avatar to explore parts of me that are hidden from the "real world" I can learn to love the flawed human a little more.
It is late and I have an appointment with the gym at 6am but this post isn't going to wait
Whiskey posted. I followed the instructions. The picture above showed up. This is straight from SL with no post processing, not even a crop. It makes me happy. Please do me a favor and click through to see a larger version. Humor me, ok?
Today a few things happened. I tweeted about having an intellectual crush on Gary Vaynerchuck with the hashtag #testingthetheory. He tweeted back to me within about 2 minutes. I chickened out about asking him what he thinks of the SL/LL/user conflicts. I am still waiting for Gianna to report back about what he said. Probably I will wait a long time for that one.
I went to listen to Zach play and Amase was there. I just love my Art Screamer partners. We understand each other and laugh a lot together. I am blessed by their friendship.
While I was at Zach's show a random person IMed me to say they missed my NWN column. It has been a long time since I wrote Chestnut's Choices and for someone to say they missed it still? I was honestly moved. Thank you dear stranger. You made my day, possibly my week.
I got to talk to a friend I met in SL today on the phone for about an hour. We have no SL contact really at all any more. We are just RL friends. Yup. We have completely transitioned to RL names and RL texts and RL phone calls. Its awesome and I love this person with my whole heart. Take that "SL is a game" people.
A huge project I have been working on for months ended yesterday and I am so relieved. I do really well under stress, in fact I think I perform best when I have impossible deadlines and ridiculous amounts of work to do. Now that my project is over I have a relief cold or allergies or maybe I am just wiped out. I really want to go to the ocean and sit in the sand and listen to the waves for a few days.
And with that? Good night universe. I love you.
10,000 Loves of SecondLie, Donate to Relay for Life!
SecondLie is going to retire. I have it on good authority this is no joke. As is entirely predictable he is not going to fade away or flounce. SecondLie is asking all of us to show how much we have enjoyed his snark and the ongoing parody of all things Second Life that has entertained us for years. Read more about it on Crap Mariner's blog.
Please go to SecondLie's profile page here and comment, showing him your love. In his own words, here is your charge:
For every "Love" on this mySL entry in April 2012, SecondLie will contribute a penny to the Relay Wizards For Spunky team in Relay For Life, up to 10,000 Loves ($100US)A number of us are matching the love for our favorite bag head. If we reach our goal we will contribute $700 USD to Relay for Life. Join us in fighting the beast cancer and show the love!
Thank you all for years of laughter and mayhem, get the word out, and bring on the love!
CORRECTION: Another generous SecondLie supporter has stepped forward and we can raise $800 if you and your friends do your part. SHOW THE LOVE!!
In what ways does SL causes you stress?
Today Gianna Borgnine posed a question on Plurk - "In what ways does Second Life cause you stress?" My honest answer is nothing about Second Life itself causes me stress. I am in world for creative purposes, to meet friends or attend an event. If I am not enjoying myself I log out. Technical issues can be frustrating from time to time but I have learned how to tweak my viewer to get around most problems. SL is fun or else I am doing other things.
Having said that? Social media associated with Second Life can indeed be stressful for me. Lately I have been reducing the number of blogs I read and reducing my social media engagement to some extent. I have to filter because honestly I have enough other important things in my life and finding myself upset by a blog or a podcast seems ridiculous. So, I cut the number of people I follow on Twitter. On plurk I only read interesting or informative timelines. My once enormous blog reader has been pruned back to a smaller number of quality reads.
What is it about social media has changed from a fun pastime to a source of stress? Well nothing about the software has changed and people behave as they always have on the internet. What has changed is my willingness to engage in things that do not add positive value to my day. There was a time when knowing a lot of people in Second Life was important to me. I wanted to meet other creative people and make a name for myself within the community. I am quite introverted and being around a lot of people is always somewhat unnerving. SL allows me to be social in ways that work for people like me.
Blogging is tailor made for an introvert. You can participate in a community and have exchanges with others but you can do it on your own terms. You can write when you are moved to do so and comment or not as the mood strikes. There is enough space to think about a response or an issue. So, I blog and it is not hyperbole to say this blog and writing for New World Notes changed me as a person in good ways.
I figure not everyone is going to agree with what I say. I am always up for a good discussion where people have different ideas and banter back and forth. What I was not prepared for when I started this blog in 2007 and what I am still occasionally stunned by is the random hate anyone who dares to have an opinion generates when they write about Second Life. It can be stressful to the point where I have considered ending this blog. Once every few months it occurs to me I should stop making myself a target.
A related stress is when my writing is misunderstood or taken out of context. I feel I need to "defend" myself or set the record straight and without intending to things can degenerate into what I have come to call "dueling comments." I cannot even begin to explain how much the negative sniping upsets me. I get even more upset when I let myself respond or "rise to the challenge." Even more fun is the follow up passive aggressive post about "unnamed" individuals. It honestly does not take a PhD to figure out who is saying what about whom even if you are only half paying attention. UGH.
I sometimes think dueling comments and oblique posts can be compared to email in the workplace. When the snark starts to seep in and messages begin to fly fast and furious, it is time to pick up the phone. SL social media is a great way for like minded individuals to share information and learn from each other. But, when our tweets, plurks, podcasts and posts become weapons we wield against each other it is time to talk person to person or it is time to stop paying attention to those who stress us out. And by that I don't mean posting and tweeting about how we are not paying attention. We need to resist the urge to say "I am not paying attention. I mean it. I am not. .....not even a little." We may just need to turn our attention to other things entirely. Which is something I have been doing more and more.
Read any good books lately?
A post about learning to love
My children are teenagers. The early childhood worries about death by electrocution because I forgot to put the plug back in the outlet after vacuuming up cheerio crumbs are long gone. Those anxieties have given way to bigger fears that lurk in my throat threatening to cut off my airway or even worse, causing me to say the wrong thing at the wrong time to my offspring.
You see, my almost 16 year old daughter has a boyfriend. And, even more terrifying, my 13 year old about to hit puberty and grow hair in places I don't want to think about son has a girlfriend.
When I was newly married I wanted a baby. A cute little cherub who would coo and smile and fall asleep in my arms as I rocked her in my mothers antique rocking chair. My vision did not include the terror I feel knowing these people, these girlfriends and boyfriends, have the power to hurt the hearts of my babies. This realization trumps the first day at kindergarten, first sleepover at a friend's house, first any damn thing fears.
I remember my first heartbreak like it was yesterday. I know my children will feel that pain and I would do just about anything to spare them.
I am taking great joy in watching them learn to love. My daughter is not prone to a romance novel view of the world, even though she listens to way too much Taylor Swift for my taste. My son likes smart gamer girls even though he admits to occasionally letting his girlfriend win. Their view of partnership is framed by my relationship with their father which is anything but traditional.
They understand nothing is perfect and it takes a willingness to compromise to make relationships work. They know Cinderella is a story and Prince Charming is never coming. If there is pressure to be Cinderella or Prince Charming it does not come from their dad or from me either. The stereotypes of how relationships are supposed to be cloud all of our thinking. We see fake perfect relationships in the media and even though we know the realities of life are not like the movies, it can be difficult when our own day to day does not match the storybook reality of what love is supposed to be and how we expect to feel.
*cue romantic music and pan across beach at sunset. loving couple walks across the sand holding hands, they stop to kiss deeply under the moonlight*
*old school needle scratching across vinyl*
Long walks on the beach? Come on. Life and love are made up of highs and lows. Sometimes you walk on the beach and its and amazing and sometimes you walk on the beach arguing because JP was flirting with Gabby in Science class or Stephanie said she was going to meet you at the park but her parents made her go to church instead. Teenage relationships and the arguments they have are learning experiences. They love like it is a fairy tale and they fight about stupid stuff as practice so when the real fights happen in adult relationships they have already learned the art of compromise. They have learned to be wrong.
Seeing the love between my kids and their partners is a parenting joy for which I was unprepared. But when their precious hearts are broken for the first time I am not entirely sure how I will handle the pain.
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